Only do as i'm told

Conveniently placed bug bites make it look as though I've been shooting up. Oh, what a life i lead!

Monsters taste like fruity beer. I don't like it. I wish it were present on the long drive home, though. I don't know why i'm still posting to this.

We are 40 miles outside of mesa. 27 straight hours of driving. Bad ass. I'll be doing my best attempt at acting dead tomorrow, then It's back to work for me. Meh. More photos later, i'm sure. Peace, bitches.

A different score

We've been driving for 19 hours nonstop. We've battled raging bladders, massive bugs, 4 energy drinks, plus 2 sodas and a slushy between us. We're coming up to albuquerque and i think we might be looking for dinner. Where is arizona? I miss my cat, my nephew, and showers. Are there twenty four hour targets? Icky thump is out tomorrow.

The mighty mississip'

And i miss my second opportunity to board a steamboat i was hoping would somehow be magical and ticke me back to tom sawyer days

And another one

Just outside of memphis for the second time this week. Chalk up another thousand miles.

WE ALMOST HIT A DEER! WOW!! It was just a little guy too! EEE!

miss lily white on vocals

What words can you use when you've just witnessed magic? The white stripes are amazing. I spent most of the show watching some tall guys somberro, standing on tiptoes for a glimpse when circumstances allowed. Once again i left the show with no face. I was a melted blob of excitement with only obscenities to describe what had just happened to me. I've got my words back now. :) Set list was dead leaves, when i hear my name, icky thump, hotel yorba, jolene, i'm slowly turning into you, i think i smell a rat, death letter, do, cold cold night, little room, ball and biscuit. The encore was rag and bone/dead leaves - blue orchid, we are gonna be friends, a martyr for my love for you, 7 nation army. One of the most memorable concerts I've been to. Now we're on our way home. Oh yeah, elvis perkins had alec from clap your hands say yeah come on stage and play guitar on a song with them. Magic
as well. We then met jermaine from flight of the concords and had a bit of 'chitchat' with him. Odd.

Peace.

Elvis perkins. Sitting in line waiting for the white stripes. I had myself in the crowd but ran away from it. Meh. The set up so far is the best ever, and the crew is in red and black tuxes. I'd take a photo, but i'm too far back. My legs are so burnt it hurts to sit down. I've given up on sunscreen.

Elvis perkins in dearland is true love. Wolfmother is playing right now. I'm not there. I had nightmares about the white stripes show... And i think they're going to be real... Meh.

The flaming lips. It got really cold really fast. My poor arizona body is crying out against the cold! We can see our breath. I'd prefer that to the heat any day though. Mmm cool breeze = no sweat. Content.

Wrapped around your finger.

The police. This place is packed. Sting sucks at singing his own songs. I'm ready for dinner.

Burn this city

Ps, there should be a size limit for bikinis... And also, the sound people here suck. I think I've seen one set where the sound wasn't fucked up in some way.

I was really worried about this guy for a while, he was just passed out there and like... Spitting up foam. He's not dead though, and I'll keep an eye on him. I've seen three sets of boobs while sitting here, and a group of boys run by in speedo's. Meh. My legs are asleep. The guy I've been watching just woke up and left. Good. My cpr card expired when i was twelve.

well i'm on bbc tonight

Franz sucks live. Or maybe It's just my temperment. I do seem to ruin everything.

I don't like this. I'd like to come home.

Bizarro suze!

I've found mrs palmer's wine appreciating, jam oriented music festival attending, ex hippie twin! A possible replacement since the suze will have nothing to do with me? I say yes

Rock lobster

applying sunscreen liberally and frequently does not always drive the sun away. Especially when you're this pale

Blah Blah butterflies.

Kings of leon totally melted my face off. I have the photos. I can prove it. My face is gone. I've never danced with such happiness before. Extreme pain from sun and heat, but extreme happiness as well. Here we go, angel and the love mongers.

Tut tut, it looks like rain for the kings of leon... Its quite rainy, and it sucks.

So We're waiting for paolo to come on, and the guitar tech is wearing a hoodlums shirt. We're in mother fucking tennessee and the guitar tech is wearing a hoodlums shirt. I feel incredibly awesome right now.

Wee! Cold war kids. And i'ma dancin

You're sweeter than corn on the cob it's scary

Langhorne slim and the war eagles put on an AMAZING show last night. It was one of those that nobody really expected and it just blew everyone away. We talked to him afterward and he was so friendly and i'm pretty sure he'll remember us next time we see him

Another man's traysure

So each of the campground pods has some sort of sculpture project you can help make. Apparently ours is an aluminum can garden. I bathed with baby wipes and a squirt bottle this morning.

'we should sell sheets of toilet paper!'

My first baby wipe bath. Can you see how horribly dirty one day at Bonnaroo makes a person? Gosh. Also, i'm sunburnt. Told you i'm a special douche that burns through baby sunscreen with spf 50.

Ain't no girl gonna tell me she won't be my honey pie!

Holy shit. No words. Langhorne fucking slim and the war eagles kicked ass. There are no words.

Jeepers creepers

This awesome fountain is in the middle of bonnaroo. It's like an alice in wonderland jellyfish! Anyway, the important thing about it is there were about four completely naked people of both genders frolicking in it just now. Boobtastic!

I gave in... I peed... I couldn't even make it one day... Meh. We just watched a guy blow glass, now we're near the black angels waiting for langhorne. I'm going to be so changed when i get back, peeing in porta-potties and drinking well water while enjoying the smell of weeeeed. I lied about the weed. I hate the smell and everything it stands for. Tata.

Whoa Whoa Whoa

The little ones. Just a glimpse of how many people are here, and this is one of the minor stages. I STILL HAVEN'T PEED! I'm winning. Bonnaroo is pretty fantastic. Where are the hot boys? Langhorne at ten. I will pee my pants when i see him. EEE! The little ones are quite fantastic! Dancing shoes! Until later.

Oh my god i'm going to pee my pants...

He was getting a great cleavage shot

We're here. It took us a complete hour to walk into centeroo because we're parked so far away. Worth it though. We're now in the cinema tent watching a q and a about monterey pop with d.a. pennebaker. Mmm ac. I still haven't peed, and i'm on a successful path to being... drunk. Oh yeah, some guy came up to us and asked us if we wanted any drugs. Hahah, i should have asked him about meth. Is meth only for arizonians? I'm on the quest to find out.

Feeling half dead

Pussy. He's already passed out. I think I'll just leave him here.

And we're here. It only took three hours, which i do believe is absolutely fantastic. Unfortunately though, we're camped out in bfe, which means its quite a hike to the concerts. We're a few hours in, and I've already got to pee. I might have issues willing it away...

I hate dirty hippies.

I kissed the kids hello

I will not return to arizona as a lobster.

God be with us.

Holy shit. Bonnaroo is just off exit 111, and the traffic is so extreme and backed up they've got us exiting on 127. I wish i could show you how extreme the back up is, how far it really goes. Miles and miles of cars just sitting on the side of the road waiting for the lines to move. This is just a glimpse of the lines. Most extreme and awesome thing I've seen so far- a hippie sitting on the top of his van playing guitar. Righteous. THE CARS AREN'T EVEN MOVING! WE'RE NOT EVEN OFF THE FREEWAY YET! Twelve miles of backup so far, still going opposite. BUT, we've just joined the line to exit the freeway, to get into line to wait for hours and hours. Meh.

Meh. It's 7 in the morning. We've slept for 5 hours. Bonnaroo, here we come. In about an hour... When we wake up...

small curd cottage cheese queen

This is a disgusting picture, but it is to depict a disgusting scene that is being played out in front of our hotel door. Two separate men are courting two separate hookers. If you look at the background, you can see the outline of man #1 making out with his hooker. The other guy i guess wanted to get a rapport going with his hooker before doing the deed. They're just talking for now. Good luck to you both! May you remember your penicillin in the morning. I take refuge in the golden girls.

Doubtful

What the hell? We look hot and we failed two malls out of two. Seriously? Theres got to be a law against a major city sucking balls so hard. Let's see if the dairy queen downtown can redeem the entire city.

One last chance to kill the pain

Sandra is one hell of a seamstress.

Hey there i'm lost

The malls in nashville suck balls. I guess it would be nice if i were down with coach and express and louis v...

All dressed up and ready for our last night on the town. I may or may not have some grape flavored goodness, and seth is looking like dylan. We're all set.

Hello skin cancer.

Ps, It's no good when you burn through spf50 at the nashville zoo...

Ps Bonnaroo is tomorrow

Upon reading the nashville scene paper, we've seen that the band hawthorne heights is playing tonight, along with several other shit bands. This discovery has made us realize the band from ohio that we so narrowly missed a rendezvous with was indeed hawthorne heights. This conclusion is based on their song 'ohio is for lovers'. what have i done to deserve such negative karma!? On a positive note, i sewed my pants back together, you can no longer see my ass... Maybe thats all the hot hawthorne heights boy wanted in the first place...

Had to find some higher ground

I totally almost did this hot boy in a band from ohio in a fazolis bathroom right now. Well, that was a lie. All he did was smile at me. But it could have been hot. We tried to follow their path, but seth can't drive for shit so we lost them. Dammit, that could have been my ticket into the grammys next year...

Where rednecks meet nature

One of these wee tiny gators snapped at me. For some reason zoo animals feel the need to attack me.

I just need to jab my finga up his bum

Take zoo number two. This one unfortunately, was not free. I'm about to get eaten by a giant killer croc! Crikey!

Unspellable

The lump was behind his EAR. keep in mind these are all written with cell phones, which don't really aid in proper spelling. forgive us!

A dollar for the lump behind your ear

Downtown nashville had this intersection to offer, where church street turns into gay street. i kid you not. And at this ironic street corner, sandra and i came upon a bum following our yummy dinner at the spaghetti company. Like all the other bums, this one had a little backstory for his need of cash. He offered to wash our car window because he was an ex-military man who was getting the massive cyst removed from his ear next week. I didn't buy it until he flashed me the cyst...it was massive! So sandra gave him a dollar and i forced him to tell me where the old recording studios were. Success.

The first place we stopped the car in nashville was next to a best western that was built on the site of james polk's mansion. How awesome is it that a best western has that kind of history!? But then again, wasn't polk the president who died of pneumonia in office? Loser.

A wee bit late

parking really CAN be fun! In an alternate take of this very photo that was lost due to my phone being a tard, this was proven by a business man who totally ate it going up the stairs right behind sandra's head. So awesome.

The layer of the enemy. Its huge. They have destroyed country music. Suck my balls.